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MeetChristians.com / Forums / General Discussion

No. 0     Original Topic:  I need advice on dating a woman that has a child   
By:  lovingman33222   Gender: M   Age: 33   on  Jan 8, 2018 at 6:12 AM   Viewed 240 times     
I met this amazing lady through A Foreign Affair. She’s a 28 y/o Filipina with a 5 year old daughter.

We are still at the stage of getting to know each other and have been corresponding at least 3 times a day.

Everything is going really well between us but I am a little taken aback about her daughter.

I don’t mind dating someone with a child at all as long as I know there won’t be any problems with the “other party.”

That’s where I need advice… she did open up about having a daughter, what she does for a living and her family,

but she never opened up about the father of her child.

I need to have an assurance that there won’t be any problems when things become serious between us.

The father of her child will always be a big part of her daughter’s life.

I’m willing to compromise with that, but I need there to be boundaries.

I most certainly don’t want to suddenly get involved in something that may eventually become unpleasant.

I like her enough to want to know about these things. Before things between us become serious,

I want to know where I’ll be getting at. Am I rushing things?

I’d like to meet her in person as soon as possible.

I’m a little skeptical about months long of only exchanging letters.

I want to get a hint of assurance and start from there… I really need advice. Help me!
No. 1     Reply: Re: I need advice on dating a woman that has a child   
By:  Survivor698   Gender: M   Age: 104   on  Jan 8, 2018 at 8:41 AM     
I hesitate to say much for it being taken wrong. And in the past, on this site it has been.

Having been married for several years and since divorce in dating relationships involving children on both sides, blood is thicker than water.

It is rare to find a loving mother that is going to allow any new relationship to come between she and her child. As I would never expect them to.

It does appear many men have a different position of whom the female should put first in a new relationship, and many men seem to more easily distance ties to their own children in favor of a new relationship. I am a man that sees such differently.

I have backed out of more than one relationship when the female thought she came before my daughter regardless, and/or when it was obvious her relationship with her children would prevent us from having a harmonious relationship.

A balance has to be found. And that simply seems to vary from one individual/couple to the next and their personal relationships with their children.
No. 2     Reply: Re: I need advice on dating a woman that has a child   
By:  texascowgirl283   Gender: F   Age: 51   on  Jan 8, 2018 at 2:55 PM     
Letters only? I would be hesitant because the father of the child could be a crazy man for all you know or then again he could be a great guy who acts right but I think you should atleast find out about him before you meet her. Things do have a way of going terribly wrong. Then maybe I just watch too many devastating true story movies. Better to be safe than sorry. If it concerns you, then find out first before meeting. Set your mind at ease. Dont go if you mind is not at ease about him.
No. 3     Reply: Re: I need advice on dating a woman that has a child   
By:  tominsd62   Gender: M   Age: 61   on  Jan 8, 2018 at 11:59 PM     
I would say proceed with caution or when in doubt, don't. I think that I have said this before on MC. All of the couples that I have known whereas an American man marries a Filipina woman have not worked out. I never wanted to get into a relationship like that. It seems like the Filipina women would take any man that comes along.

If you have never been married, then it will be difficult for you to relate. You don't have much in common. And you would have a cultural difference to boot. I have heard of cases where men would meet up with a woman in The Philippines and would mysteriously disappear. Be careful!

One time I met up with a Filipina woman by the chat board. She sent me a picture of herself and she was very nice looking. I told her about myself. She said that I was the kind of man that she has been looking for. Some time later I told a co worker who was Filipino. He told me that women like that are no good, so don't do it.

Something to think about. If I were you I would try to go for an American woman who has never been married with no kids.
No. 4     Reply: Re: Re: I need advice on dating a woman that has a child   
By:  Survivor698   Gender: M   Age: 104   on  Jan 9, 2018 at 5:52 AM     
tominsd62 wrote:

I think that I have said this before on MC. All of the couples that I have known whereas an American man marries a Filipina woman have not worked out.


Actually, US immigration statistics on such marriages indicate almost twice the success rate than that of marrying an American female.

I have several American male acquaintances married to those from another country. Only one has ended in divorce. He has since married again, coincidentally a Filipina. They are very happily married. I also have a couple American female acquaintances married to males from another country. All still married and have been for years.

I have met several women from other countries brought here to the US by American males only to be taken advantage of by the American male. In the travel offices of many foreign countries there are signs posted warning foreign females that if they are traveling to the USA due to the invite of an American male to beware. The incidents of abuse of foreign women brought here to the USA has become so high there are new laws working their way through Congress designed to protect foreign females from being taken advantage of by men bringing them here to the USA.

Despite all that I have shared above, I have read stories of agencies in foreign countries educating foreign females on how to marry an American male, gain immigration to the US, and then divorce the American male maintaining their residency in the US. Thus I would not say there are no foreign women looking to take advantage of a male, but it is much less than made out to be.

Lovingman shared that his introduction for his Filipina acquaintance was through "A Foreign Affair". That particular agency has a reputation of thoroughly vetting foreign females and initiating successful marriages of American males to foreign females.

I have dated several women from other countries. They have the same basic needs and wants as those born here in the USA. Yes, they may seem quick to desire marriage, etc.. Often their culture is simply quite different than what we are accustomed to. Were as we might use more caution and somewhat "casually" date to test the waters, a foreign female is often found to immediately be more trusting and sincere, openly expressing her goal to marry soon. Can tend to quickly scare some of us Western men off whom may misperceive intentions of the foreign female.
No. 5     Reply: Re: I need advice on dating a woman that has a child   
By:  Survivor698   Gender: M   Age: 104   on  Jan 15, 2018 at 3:23 PM     
An old employee of mine called me this past weekend. Actually, he is much more than an old employee. We grew to be great friends outside of work with us both being Christian and both avidly into various martial arts. Not to mention we both also have Corvettes. And via his wife was whom I met a lady from Colombia I dated for some time and could have easily married.

Back in 2013/14 he became divorced from his wife whom is from Peru. Her decision to part ways, not something he desired.

For the past two years he has been dating a lady in Colombia. Has been a long distance relationship. He visits there, she visits here. In fact, she was here for several weeks this past summer.

Anyway, he informed me they are now planning to marry, but not prior to her coming to reside here for a couple months. He is heading to Colombia again next month to help her prepare for the move here to the US.

With this being another female he is marrying from another country, the fact she is from another country causes him little to no concern. He says time to get to know them simply has to be taken, and much of that time needs to be face to face.

In his opinion, the largest struggle he has seen with those in relationships with those from other countries is language differences. He states it does not take very long for a relationship to become "taxing" when the parties cannot effectively communicate. And grows worse when at least one of them does not opt to learn the language of the other.

Anyway, I have been invited to go to Colombia to meet his fiancé's sister. LOL. But I do not think I am going to. It would have to become much more of an acquaintance than it currently is to entice me to make that kind of investment.
No. 6     Reply: Re: Re: Re: I need advice on dating a woman that has a child   
By:  tominsd62   Gender: M   Age: 61   on  Jan 16, 2018 at 7:26 PM     
Survivor698 wrote:

tominsd62 wrote:

I think that I have said this before on MC. All of the couples that I have known whereas an American man marries a Filipina woman have not worked out.


Actually, US immigration statistics on such marriages indicate almost twice the success rate than that of marrying an American female.

I have several American male acquaintances married to those from another country. Only one has ended in divorce. He has since married again, coincidentally a Filipina. They are very happily married. I also have a couple American female acquaintances married to males from another country. All still married and have been for years.

I have met several women from other countries brought here to the US by American males only to be taken advantage of by the American male. In the travel offices of many foreign countries there are signs posted warning foreign females that if they are traveling to the USA due to the invite of an American male to beware. The incidents of abuse of foreign women brought here to the USA has become so high there are new laws working their way through Congress designed to protect foreign females from being taken advantage of by men bringing them here to the USA.

Despite all that I have shared above, I have read stories of agencies in foreign countries educating foreign females on how to marry an American male, gain immigration to the US, and then divorce the American male maintaining their residency in the US. Thus I would not say there are no foreign women looking to take advantage of a male, but it is much less than made out to be.

Lovingman shared that his introduction for his Filipina acquaintance was through "A Foreign Affair". That particular agency has a reputation of thoroughly vetting foreign females and initiating successful marriages of American males to foreign females.

I have dated several women from other countries. They have the same basic needs and wants as those born here in the USA. Yes, they may seem quick to desire marriage, etc.. Often their culture is simply quite different than what we are accustomed to. Were as we might use more caution and somewhat "casually" date to test the waters, a foreign female is often found to immediately be more trusting and sincere, openly expressing her goal to marry soon. Can tend to quickly scare some of us Western men off whom may misperceive intentions of the foreign female.


I suppose. What I had to say on my post was something I had seen. I had personally known about 10 couples that are like that:my neighbors, co-workers, and friends. All of them that I know of did not work. So that was what I was going by. The statistics of those kind of marriages sound encouraging but it's no guarantee that it's going to work out. I had some chances myself to do this but I didn't want to take the chance because of what I had personally seen. If I seen how wonderful those relationships were, I would have done it myself.

I have had Filipina women that were married hit on me. Also I had seen them cheat with my own eyes. I couldn't believe it.

Also for what I have seen is that once an American man marries one, then quite a few of her relatives from the Philippines come over to America and are given citizenship. And then they would move in on the couple. They would be speaking in their own language (to the OP, I would encourage you to learn the language before you get married). Some of the guys had complained to me that these relatives and the wife would be speaking crap about them.

Also, the issue of her having a child already wasn't covered. That can be a problem whether is a foreign woman or a domestic one. If the OP had already been married with a child, at least, he could relate to her. If not, then it could be a challenge.

I'm sorry if I'm not encouraging about this. Who knows, maybe it could. It's just that, from what I have seen, I would be cautious about this. Just sayin'.