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No. 0     Original Topic: Stop Complaining   
By:  Becca288   Gender: F   Age: 36   on  Sep 30, 2015 at 2:41 AM   Viewed 7876 times     
The spirit of complaining

The first sign of passive-aggressive behavior is complaining. This indirect approach hurts relationships and does nothing to solve problems.

I see this evil spirit of complaining so often among Christians; it's one abuse of our fellow man that is always overlooked, and even applauded, because I think we somehow feel entitled to complain about others when we feel hurt by them, but it's just as evil as any other sin. It causes discord among brethren and we need to stop making excuses for it.

If you find that in order to stand up for truth, you have to put someone else down (abuse), then you are not really standing up for the truth.

As Christians, we are supposed to expose darkness with light (truth). You cannot do that without love. Love is truth. So how do we tell one another the truth without tearing each other down?

Truth is a powerful enough weapon and doesn't need your help

Something God's been teaching me lately (I'm in the process of learning how to do this): truth must be said tactfully and respectfully. I know there are people who use the truth like a gun or a hammer, they think if they can insult someone it will "wake others up," but if we consider that Jesus "will not put out a smoldering wick" (Matthew 12:20; Isaiah 42:3), then we need to be careful we are not going against God's will when we tell the truth. If you cause someone to turn away from God, God is going to punish you.

Try not to be so hard on each other - rather, be hard on false doctrines that teach another gospel.

God loves showing mercy in judgment. The truth (God's word) is already the perfect weapon against darkness to accomplish the will of God; we need to trust in God's strength alone, not adding our flesh "strength" (which ends up being abusive) to get the truth across to someone. If all you were able to do was plant a seed, don't get frustrated and complain; pray about it, and let God take care of it's growth.

1 Corinthians 3:7
So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase.

Be honest with yourself before our righteous God

When other people's behaviors bother us, it's good to assess the situation to know whether it's worth confronting that person directly or a waste of time. But make sure you're not the one causing the problem by being inflammatory on purpose. People who complain about others' bad behaviors are showing their own bad behavior by whining and complaining and putting others down, which is a type of revenge - passive-aggressive style.

The root of abuse: control!

You can't control others, and you shouldn't try; that's the root of abuse.
Try instead to work on your own attitude and response to others' bad behaviors, because, two wrongs don't make a right.

James 4:7
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Romans 12:21
Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

James 2:13
For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth against judgment.

John 13:35
By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

Stop Complaining
Pastor Steve Roll


Criticizing and complaining is not a spiritual gift.

Ten Simple Steps To Stop Complaining

  1. Do you like it when others complain against you? Probably not.

  2. Take your complaint to God and pray for your brother.

  3. Forgive your brother for all offense against you.

  4. Control your tongue. Resist the fleshly temptation to murmur against a Christian.

  5. Never tear down your fellow Christians. Always build them up.

  6. Speak highly of your brother in the presence of others.

  7. Check your motivation. Why are you complaining against a brother?

  8. Is it Christ-like to complain against fellow Christians?

  9. Stop and think. What will my complaining against a brother do to him/her and the body of Christ, and my witness to an unbelieving world?
  10. Remember you are accountable to God for your treatment of your brother.

Think with me for a moment. If Christians stopped complaining against one another:

  • The devil would not have opportunity to divide the body of Christ.

  • Strife and disunity in the church would be non-existent.

  • Believers would have clear consciences toward one another.

  • Energy given to complaining would be directed to soul-winning.

  • The world would be attracted, not repelled, by Christians and the church.

  • The Lord would be pleased with how we treat one another.


Doing God's will helps us to overcome the need to control others

In God's word we are told to encourage, exhort, and even to rebuke our brethren. Many Christians jump right to rebuke without thinking, whether directly or passive-aggressively - they're not loving their neighbor as themselves. We are told to first entreat our brethren and not to lord it over them. In order to even do that, we need to deeply consider our own ways first, if we are right in God's eyes, or if we are just right in our own eyes. We need to judge with a righteous judgment or not judge at all, because judging unrighteously will get us into a lot of trouble with God.

When someone tries to control others, that's abuse, whether they do it with devil horns or with a halo, and whether others agree with them or not. The question is, does God agree with us? If not, we need to realize we're just adding to the problem.

Abuse is a deliberate act of trying to control another person. Love breaks the cycle of abuse in you so that you will then be able to help your brethren when they need it, without adding to an already evil situation.

Proverbs 26:
20 Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.
21 As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife.

Galatians 6:
Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
3 For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.
4 But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.
5 For every man shall bear his own burden.
6 Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things.
7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
10 As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

Matthew 5:
43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

Keeping the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace

photo source:

Psalm 133:
A Song of degrees of David.

BEHOLD, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!
2 It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaronís beard: that went down to the skirts of his garments;
3 As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the Lord commanded the blessing, even life for evermore.

Ephesians 4:
I THEREFORE, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called,
2 With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;
3 Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
4 There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling;
5 One Lord, one faith, one baptism,
6 One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.
7 But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ.
8 Wherefore he saith, When he ascended up on high, he led captivity captive, and gave gifts unto men.
9 (Now that he ascended, what is it but that he also descended first into the lower parts of the earth?
10 He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all things.)
11 And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;
12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:
13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:
14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
16 From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.
17 This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind,
18 Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:
19 Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.
20 But ye have not so learned Christ;
21 If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus:
22 That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;
23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.
25 Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.
26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
27 Neither give place to the devil.
28 Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.
29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christís sake hath forgiven you.

Romans 12:
I BESEECH you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
4 For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office:
5 So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.
6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;
7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;
8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.
9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.
10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
11 Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;
12 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;
13 Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.
14 Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.
15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
16 Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.
17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.